Sharing

It's been exactly one year since I committed myself to the hospital. One whole year. I've felt a little haunted all day knowing this. The fact that things got so bad, mixed with my experience in the hospital, I still have a hard time thinking about it. I wish I could process the experience more. I wish I could remember what landed me in that position, unfortunately like most of my episodes, the whole thing is a blur.

This past year was probably the hardest of my life. I had to spend a lot of time learning about myself, digging deep and going places I didn't want to go. I have had a lot of ups and downs, and thankfully a great support system around me. Doctors, family, friends, employers. However, this is still a journey I'm on. A journey that I don't want to go through alone.

There is a lot of stigma around mental illness. Something I hope will one day end. I know for me this was something I didn't plan on sharing with anyone other than close family and friends. Not that I was embarrassed, I was more afraid of creating awkward situations. I was always worried about making others uncomfortable. This feeling changed on my first day of my Research Methods in Psychology class. I didn't intend on sharing details of my personal life, but during that three hour class I had come to realize that my support system had to exist in every aspect of my life.

"I have rapid cycling bipolar" I told the professor (now my advisor). It was one of the best things I ever did, sharing this fact with a stranger. It was this person that really got me through school this past year; he understands what I need to keep me going. The last time I spoke with him was during a recent episode; and he said something that I will remember the rest of my life: "I'm your biggest fan".

Hearing this reminded me of the great support system I have. It reminded me that when I'm having a tough time I can get through it because of the help I have around me. I consider myself truly blessed that I have these people in my life.