Saturday, November 30, 2013

She's a maniac, maniac on the floor

I don't suffer from full blown mania, thank god. Mania includes an incredible elevated or irritable mood, little need for sleep, racing thoughts, and at times, hallucinations. I on the other hand experience hypomania, something much more manageable. It has the same symptoms as mania but they are more tame. For me my symptoms include an elevated mood, racing thoughts, trouble staying still, and unfortunately anger.

During a hypomanic episode it is common for me to want to either spend money or make a change such as changing my hair or getting a tattoo and even move to France. Don't worry, even though I was looking at jobs, places to live, and teaching myself French, this plan didn't last long. There are also times when I absolutely have to buy something, something I don't really need. For example, a fish tank. I was driving past the pet store when it suddenly hit me that I needed fish in my life. So I ran in and bought a fish tank (I was told I had to set it up and wait a day before I added the fish, which made me a little angry.. but hey, I got through that). It made perfect sense to me that I have fish, it didn't make sense to my husband that I spent $100 on something I didn't want until I drove past the store.

So I returned the tank. I can't remember the details, but I know I was angry. And of course that anger was directed toward my husband. Like I said, I can't remember the details but hopefully I wasn't too mean.. which I know I can be. A friend once told me that I was probably "not a peach to live with". And I know I can just be plain difficult to deal with. My therapist has told me I can be a pain in the ass (trust me, it was a good move on his part, I deserved it at the time).

So yes, I may be mean and difficult at times, but be patient with me and remember it could be a lot worse :)

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