TMS

I’m alright. Right now I’m alright. Five days ago I was not alright. Where did this sudden dark cloud come from? No idea. I made some very bad choices too that hurt myself and those around me. I was far from alright.

I sent a message to my therapist about what happened the past week and he called me yesterday morning to come right in. I told him I felt like a failure. In all aspects; at school, work, as a mother, as a wife. I do not know what caused me to feel like a failure. I do not feel that way now.

I am annoyed that things like this keep happening and I never understand what causes them. Honestly it’s like I just wake up one morning and I’m in such a horrible place. And I wake up another day completely fine. How is this even possible?

Anyway, switching the topic a little. We discussed yesterday how I am not responding to meds very well. He told me if things do not improve I could consider transcranial magnetic stimulation. I’m pretty certain that I wouldn’t do it, simply because it doesn’t seem to be something that is very popular. However, I am doing research on it. Side effects seem to be very low. Might be a problem getting the insurance company to cover it though. But again, I don’t think I would ever do it.

What am I going to do then? Keep trying different meds in hopes that one day we find something that works. When will that day be?

Also as a side note. I am no longer filtering who is able to see this blog. It's out there now. A little scary but whatever :)