Past journals

Tonight I spent about two hours reading through old journals. Man, I was an annoying teenager. It was interesting though reading these entries.

They were annoying, but fascinating. What I found interesting was even though I was depressed a lot of the time, I would have these periods of feeling very good about myself. I would be creative, and my self-esteem was at a higher level. There was a period where I decided to write a book. Another where I decided I wanted to be an artist (I have no artistic abilities). There were times where I made very bad decisions. Times were I didn't sleep and stayed up all night reading, writing, watching TV (more specifically Prison Break).

I may have developed symptoms of my mood disorder earlier than I thought I did. How far back it goes, I do not know. But this may have been actually building up over time instead of hitting me quite suddenly as I had thought.

I don't know why I decided to read through these tonight. I am feeling inspired and want to do something creative. Maybe I wanted to tap into my past, maybe I wanted to understand where I came from, how I ended up here. I just have this energy, it's hard to explain.

It's midnight and I really should try to sleep. I just don't want to. I want to be doing something. I don't want to waste my time.