I’m a bad student. I should be doing school work. However it
is spring break and I also got five assignments back in the last three days and
they were all A’s. Soooo, I’m taking a couple days off. It means working a lot
more to make up for these days. But oh well!
I feel really on edge. I keep being hit by an anxiety feeling
for no reason. It doesn’t last long, usually not more than 30/45 minutes. And I
really do not know where it’s coming from. I will feel fine and all of a sudden
my heart rate goes up, I feel dizzy, and just very panicky. It’s strange. It’s
happened before, but still strange. Maybe I’m worrying about something that I
don’t realize I’m worrying about. But I’m also getting anxiety from small
things. My husband was watching The Walking Dead last night and even though I
wasn’t actually watching (I was internet shopping), I still felt anxious about
this show.
And even though I keep having these mini anxiety episodes,
each time they happen I don’t feel like it’s something that is going to go away
in half an hour. I pace the house in a panic trying to ignore my Xanax yelping
at me from my purse. I hate taking Xanax. I still take it once in a while, but
I hate the stuff. Better than Ativan though, which I had a very love/hate
relationship with. People, if you can avoid taking these medications just stay
away from them.
Saying that is really going against how I usually feel and
voice my opinion. They are bad news for me, but if they help you and you can
handle them, do what’s best for you. In general I try not to tell people to do
something, or take something, that has worked for me in the past. Or to stay
away from something that didn’t work for me. What works for some people may not
work for others. That’s really what I should have said above. I could have
erased and edited what I wrote previously, but I try not to do that on this
blog.
Anyway. I’m just now wondering if my anxiety is trying to be
full on anxiety but I’m doing things to tame it. Does that make sense? I’ve
been exercising really well, I’ve been eating a very good diet (at least compared
to the past). I’m doing things like listening to music I like (instead of
whatever is playing on the Disney Channel). I’m watching old shows I used to be
crazy about. I’m sure all these things are really helping me, and possibly
kicking the anxiety away.
If these things are helping with anxiety, they will possibly
help with depression. I wrote in a post, possibly my last post, that I needed
to start doing things to help my depression. One of the things my therapist
urged me to do was make an “in case of emergency box” (it doesn’t actually have
to be a box). Basically I would put in a box, or make a list (or both), of
things that could help me feel better. Movies, CDs, a nice smelling lotion,
names of people to hang out with. You get the idea. Like everything else my
therapist suggested I did not do this. I wish I could say I’ve been working on
this idea for a while, in fact I only thought about it two minutes ago. But I
think I’ll do both. I’ll make a box and put in things like lotions, books,
magazines, CDs, maybe chocolate, and then make a list of other things that can
help.
There is a good chance that I won’t do this any time soon.
My aim is for my husband to read this and push me to do it.
I’m running out of things to say. And I’m multitasking this
with watching YouTube. So I’m going to go and focus on that.
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