Weight goals

Therapist appointment yesterday. We spent the session talking about my views on my body. Is it something that can go away or is it something I will live with? Can I learn to accept it? At the present time I cannot accept it. Of course I want to, but I only want to accept it if I have the body I want. Which obviously is not actually accepting it. I don’t know if I will ever accept it. When I was seventeen I assumed that I would be over these issues in a couple years. Here I am ten years later.

I have made two big goals. The first one being to stop thinking that I want to be thin and instead that I want to be fit. I’m hoping that will help me not feel I have to get down to my goal weight. To help with that I am training. I am hiking a large mountain next month so I am training myself for that. I have weight loss goals. I want to lose a particular amount of weight before my wedding anniversary on June 10th. Then another amount of weight before my next doctor’s appointment the beginning of July. Then the final amount before the fall semester starts. I hate having these goals. My second goal goes along with this first one.

The second goal is to get rid of my scale. I weigh myself daily, which for me is nothing. There have been times that I’ve weighed myself as much as five times a day. I want to set little goals for myself. The first being to weigh myself every other day. Then every three days. Then every four days, etc. In the near future I would like to weigh myself once a week. July 1st is what I’m aiming for. It would be amazing if I could only weigh myself once a week. And be alright with it. I don’t want to spend all week tearing my hair out because I don’t know. I want to be comfortable. But yes, my long term goal is to not weigh myself at all. I don’t like being a slave to a number.

As for my weight loss, I have hit the range that my doctor feels is the correct weight for me. This is the weight I was at when I moved here from Ireland almost four years ago. The weight I was at for a straight solid year. I am of course not happy. I feel I have a long way to go.