Feeling damaged

I slept 12 hours last night. And took two naps today. And if I could I would be sleeping right now. I'm not up for dealing with much.

I had therapy for the first time in a month. It was worse than I expected. And I expected bad. Most of the session was going over what had happened right before Christmas, when I seemed to have temporarily lost it. We talked about my accident and how it could have been so much worse and I could have actually got in major trouble. Which trust me, I knew, but it was not pleasant hearing someone else talk about it. Then we talked about my delusions and hallucinations and he asked if I thought I was psychotic. Well, at the present time no. But yes, I worry about it happening again.

He wanted to know how my anxiety spiked so bad so suddenly. I didn't know. He wanted to know how I crashed. I didn't know. He wanted to know a lot that I didn't know. I ended up just sitting for a while in silence. Then I got up and left.

Somehow I probably benefited from what happened today but right now I just feel like crying. Crying because I had to revisit all these things. Crying because this session broke my heart. It just made me see how much more damaged I actually am.