While I'm working on my social work degree I would like to be a peer mental health specialist. I think it's something I would enjoy and it would be a way for me to help others. I came across a job advertisement for a peer recovery specialist close to where I live. I've thought about it a lot. I'm not applying.
Thankfully I have a job I quite like so it's not absolutely heart breaking that I can't have this job. Although it does make me sad. It could be an amazing opportunity. I could be letting something really good pass right by me. Why am I not applying? Because even though I think it is a job I could handle for the most part, I know that I'm not stable enough. It is still too often that I find myself in a crisis. I'm one of those who still need to be helped.
What I keep asking myself is, when would I consider myself ready to be in the position to start helping others? I have no idea. And I think that's what really makes me sad. I feel like I have to put parts of my life on hold because of a disorder. What if I'm never stable enough for what I want in life?
Today was a good day. I woke up early, with a ton of energy. I was super productive at work and had a nice afternoon to myself. And now here I am, feeling a bit hopeless.
And I just realized I forgot to pick up my rx.
Arg.
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