I’ve been dealing with a bit of hypomania the last few days.
At first I was a little upset, thinking that this new medication, which is used
primary for mania, wasn’t working. However it quickly became clear that this
wasn’t progressing to where it normally would; meaning the meds were probably
helping. I didn’t have many physical symptoms. Possibly the strongest sign of
one of these episodes is that I do a major cleaning of our house. Didn’t do
that. I also usually have a hard time standing still, especially at work where
I’m supposed to sit at a desk for eight hours. Didn’t do that. My symptoms this
time came down to two things. Decreased need for sleep; staying up late, waking
up early. And racing thoughts.
That is the one that is hard to deal with, the racing
thoughts. That’s really the one that makes these episodes hypomanic. When I
first talked to my psychiatrist about these high periods he had me explain my
symptoms and what it was like. He didn’t seem concerned until he asked if I had
racing thoughts. When I told him about that he found this to be a “problem”,
something that needed to be worked on.
What are racing thoughts exactly? I tried my best to come up
on my own with what it’s like. And maybe in a normal state I could do that.
However as I type this I am having racing thoughts. From someone else it looks
like I’m sitting at my laptop just typing a blog post. Really what’s going on
is I’m doing some serious multitasking. The thoughts that I am having take
pretty much all my focus. Writing this post is taking a very long time because
it can take me ten minutes to finish a sentence. Up to this point I’ve worked
on this post for two hours. Right now I can’t describe it any more than that,
so I found two websites that explained it pretty well.
“Racing thoughts are not just "thinking
fast." They are thoughts that just won't be quiet; they can be in the
background of other thoughts or take
over a person's consciousness; they can gallop around in the sufferer's head
like a carousel gone out of control.
Before knowing
anything about bipolar disorder, I called this sensation "racy
brain." Thoughts and music would be zooming through my head so fast that
sometimes I wanted to scream. If it was going on at bedtime, it could take me
an hour or more of concentrating on word games to get myself to sleep. Components
of racing thoughts can include music, snatches of conversation from movies or
television or books, one's own voice or other voices repeating a phrase or
sentences again and again, or even rhythms of pressure without any
"sound" in the thought.”
And
”Racing thoughts may be experienced as background or take
over a person's consciousness. Thoughts, music, and voices might be zooming
through one's mind as they jump tangentially from one to the next.[3] There
also might be a repetitive pattern of voice or of pressure without any
associated "sound". It is a very overwhelming and irritating feeling,
and can result in losing track of time.
Racing thoughts differs in manifestation according to the
individual's perspective. These manifestations can vary from unnoticed or minor
distractions to debilitating stress, preventing the sufferer from maintaining a
thought.[4]
Generally, racing thoughts are described by an individual
who has had an episode as an event where the mind uncontrollably brings up
random thoughts and memories and switches between them very quickly. Sometimes
they are related, as one thought leads to another; other times they seem
completely random. A person suffering from an episode of racing thoughts has no
control over his or her train of thought and it stops them from focusing on one
topic or prevents sleeping.”
Last night I tried some visual meditation-like exercises
which took a little while to get into, however I ended up falling asleep. Which
is good. Tonight however I need to really study for my math test on Tuesday.
Which is a very difficult thing to do with racing thoughts. I need to find a
way to calm them while staying awake to get some serious studying done. My
instructor has offered me a medical extension because of everything that’s
happened in the past month. I was trying not to use it, however depending on
how tonight goes I may have to. I need to let her know by tomorrow night if I’m
taking the extension.
I need to go try to get some work done. Laters.
Also I don't know what this post turns weird half way through. I can't figure it out.
Also I don't know what this post turns weird half way through. I can't figure it out.
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