Pause button

I told myself when I started this blog that I should remain honest and push myself to talk when I don’t necessarily want to. I wanted to do this because it would probably help keep me above water, and also maybe it would help others.

Tonight I’m not doing too well. I’m looking at the mess of my apartment, looking at the amount of school work on my desk. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I’ve been sitting in this chair for 45 minutes and I’ve barely done anything. Part of me wants to give up for today and just go to bed but I can’t even bring myself to get up and go to bed.

It’s not like I can go to bed anyway. I need to get some school work done. I’m so disappointed in myself for not being more committed to spending time on school. I just get so tired and have a hard time pushing myself. I did decide to drop some classes and accept that it’s going to take me a little longer to get to where I want to be. But at this exact moment of time, I want to drop everything. I just feel like I can’t do it.

I don’t know where this is coming from. Maybe it’s because I’m sick physically. I don’t know. I just wish there was a pause button.