Ghost typing

This is not something I talk about much. At times I have some pretty bad anxiety. Not too much socially, I can get by in large groups, I don’t mind talking to strangers. But there seem to be random times when anxiety hits me. It hit me today. I don’t know exactly where it came from. I was doing fine at work, and I started just to feel panicky. Another thing to mention is that there have been times that my anxiety has led to paranoid delusions. It didn’t get close to that today, but I did not feel well because around a large group of people. People I only can assume at this point, that are talking about me.

We were really busy today. A lot of typing on keyboards pretty much constantly. Then I noticed that there was typing being done that didn’t match up with what others were doing. It was a ghost was typing somewhere. I know that’s not possible but when it was happening I had no idea what was going on. Anyway, I moved my desk, I didn’t like sitting with my back towards the rest of the group. I was very uncomfortable when someone walked behind me. So I moved to a more secluded area. This helped a lot. There were still things only on my head that shouldn’t have been. But I got through my work day. My biggest trouble was to go home and be able to play and care for my kids.

When I went home my dad took one look at me and told me to go take a nap. I didn’t argue. I took one Ativan (something I’m working on not taking), and went to sleep. I woke up feeling so much better.

Take a break. That is something that can be learned from this story. I could have been heading to a bad place. But I took a nap which helped. If I’m struggling with homework I need to take a break. If my kids are running circles around the house which I’m trying to clean, I should go for a walk. I just need to find more ways that keep me balanced.

This brings me to another post I will hopefully be doing tonight.