3:30am

It’s 3:30am. I just woke up after a dream. One that I actual remembered, which if you’ve read past posts you know that I hardly ever remember them. Anyway. I hate when I do remember. It wasn’t a nightmare or even that bad, I just wish I didn’t have it. I think I may over think dreams.

And now I’m up with noises in my head and can’t get back to sleep. I could possibly take a Xanax which may help, but I think it would make it difficult to wake up when I actually have to in a couple hours. I will probably just stay up.

This could mean that I’m stressed. But I don’t know exactly what I’m stressed about. Yes there are a few things in life that suck, but nothing that is overly worrying. So I don’t know. I’ve been bothered lately. I just get annoyed easily. I am at a place that I kind of just want to be left alone. But that also scares me. It’s like I want to be alone, but I want someone close by that can save me if needed. I’m not sure if I know what I’m trying to say. I guess I don’t trust myself to be alone. Even when I’m not depressed.

I’m doing alright with the depression right now. Other than that bit of annoyance I’m getting my mood has been fairly stable. I’m hoping it stays for a while. On October 7^th I’m going to be on a panel about depression, and I rather do it when I’m not depressed. When I first offered to do it I was really nervous when I got the simple answer “you are in”. I started really thinking about it and got worried that I won’t do a good job. However now that I’ve had time to let it sink in I’m pretty excited. It’s another chance for me to share my story and educate people out there. There are going to be reps from the National Alliance on Mental Illness there. Which could scare me but I’m so excited that they will be there. It’s a great chance to make contact with an organization, which could open up more doors for me. It should be good.

My cat is thrilled that I’m awake, he is begging for attention, so I’m going to go. Bye!