Taking steps

Today was an alright day. Not great, but not bad either. First day of the fall semester. The start of the semester always gets me excited. I registered for three classes, and all three classes didn’t go that smoothly. My first class was math, and within five minutes of it starting, I learnt that I don’t actually need to take that particular math for my degree. Arg. I was able to switch into the math class that I do need though so at least that’s sorted. Then on my way to my Sociology class I ran into my advisor who, when he found who was teaching the class, said she was intense. So for the entire class I had this worry in the back of my head about how intense she actually is and how I was going to do in the class. Then I had art. Which I decided pretty quickly I was going to drop. As she was talking about all the work we were going to be doing, all I could think about was there was no way I would have time for all this.

One of the things we have been discussing in therapy is what in my life I’m able to cut back on in order to be more stable. Out of the major things, school, work, being a mom, the only thing that I could actually cut back is school. So I’m doing that, I’m cutting back on my work load.

Look at me following through with something discussed in therapy. Aren’t you all proud??

Actually, I followed through on something else as well. I finally set up an interview for the DBT program. It’s next Wednesday. My therapist was very pleased when I told him this today. He did say though that if I’m accepted we may want to cut down on our appointments so I’m not overloaded with therapy. Which makes sense, I get it. But I also don’t like the idea of cutting down on my appointments with him. It just worries me.

For some reason he wanted to talk about the other people in my life, mainly my husband and parents, and how they react when I have an episode. Mainly my last episode. He was surprised when I told him that I didn’t tell my parents the details of that episode. I must have come off a certain way during this talk because he asked me, quite suddenly, how I felt talking about this. I didn’t feel good. He asked why. I told him that I can’t believe I went through that. I am so clear headed now, I just don’t know how it’s possible for me to slip into such a place. It makes me sad. Which I don’t want to be now so I’m going to stop and go do something happy.

Hope everyone is having a good start to September!