The weight issue

I’m having a really hard time with my weight. I’ve put on even more weight since upping the dose of my antipsychotic. It’s really hard knowing that I’m heavier because of medication. It’s hard dealing with that little voice in the back of my head saying how I could just stop my medication and lose some of the weight. I was much happier when I was on medication that made me lose weight.

Well, until I was hospitalized. The weight loss thing was great until that point.

The majority of psychiatric medication has a side effect of weight gain. And since I have to be on medication there is no real way of escaping this. I wish I could just accept my body for the way it is, but I can’t. It’s like I’m programmed to want to be thin. I can’t get away from it. And I get so angry that I’m not the way I want to be.

I’ve spent pretty much all my life hating my body. I hate that I’m 26 years old and still so uncomfortable. At what age will I outgrow this and accept myself? I don’t think that’s actually going to happen.

I feel heavy and disgusting. I can’t stand myself. I hate this. I hate that I’m on this medication when it’s not even helping me.