Still in an episode

I’m still in an episode. Yesterday I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed. I spent an hour trying to move. Finally I was able to sit up, but as soon as I did I started crying. I struggled most of the day but really pushed myself. In the evening I started feeling better. I exercised, then spent a few hours on the couch watching TV. Around midnight I had an overwhelming urge to wash all our floors. I knew doing so wasn’t good. But thinking about not washing the floors made me start to cry. I went to bed and with the help of my husband and some rain sounds I got on Youtube I fell asleep.

This morning I woke up fine. Got out of the house which was fun. I was tired so took a long nap. Woke up fine, and a half hour later I got quite down again. I also have a ton of energy but I’m unable to focus enough on one thing at a time. I have made a list of simple things to do for the rest of the night. Writing, pilates, some light house work, watching TV. Just trying to find a good balance.

This is new for me. Being so aware of what is going on during an episode. Everything is clear. I’m not confused. However, because of being so aware, I’m aware of how exhausting it is trying to work through it. I don’t know how much longer this is going to last. Hypomanic episodes for me usually don’t last longer than four days. Depressive episodes usually last over a week. A mixed episode I really have no idea when it is going to end.