I thought I was in the all clear. I was fine during the day.
But then, completely out of nowhere I started crying at dinner because my
daughters wouldn’t eat. Since then I’ve cried because I dropped something,
because it was taking forever for the girls to get their pajamas on, because I
had to clean the cat litter. My daughters are in bed now. I don’t want to go to
sleep. But I sat on the couch for about 20 minutes just doing nothing because I
didn’t know what I wanted to do. So I decided to write. I don’t know what I’m
going to do after. I don’t feel like concentrating on anything, I don’t feel
like thinking. But I don’t want to sleep.
I really don’t understand why I don’t want to sleep. My mind
and body are completely against sleep right now. But I don’t want to do
anything. I don’t get it. It’s a very strange feeling.
Part of me is thinking I should just go to sleep. It’s
probably my best option. But then part of me is like “no, you don’t want to do
that”. I’m just going to put the TV on. Maybe it will distract me from myself.
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