Trying to keep it together

For the past two weeks I’ve been depressed. I wasn’t worried about it because it hasn’t been extreme and it’s been coming and going. But slowly it’s getting worse. And it’s not going away. Two weeks and I’m not any better.

Today wasn’t bad. I was busy and I had a good day with my daughters. We came home about 30 minutes ago and it hit me. Out of no where I feel lifeless. I had a shower to see if that would relax me. Nope. I just want to go to bed. I actually started crying at the fact that I have to put the girls to bed soon. It doesn’t sound like much, and seeing it written in front of me makes me feel horrible about myself. But I’m pushing myself just writing this. I haven’t done much to put the girls to bed. I’m basically sitting at my desk and watching my daughter use the laptop. But I cannot get their pjs or help them brush their teeth.

I’ve been sleeping up to 18 hours a day. For a while I was having trouble sleeping but then my doctor prescribed me a 2nd antidepressant to help me sleep. It is helping. But I’m sleeping too much. Not necessarily because I’m tired, but I just can’t stand being awake. I haven’t been doing school work. I’m falling behind.

I might make a therapy appointment tomorrow. It’s getting hard trying to keep it together.

For now I just want to go to sleep. I feel I can’t function. I need to turn off for a little while.