What do I want to do?

I’m taking a counseling skills class. I’m not enjoying it like I thought I would. The only thing that it’s really doing is putting me in a negative state of mind. I went into school to become a therapist specializing in postpartum depression. That was my end goal. I was positive that was what I wanted to do. This class is making me rethink that. It is showing me how uncomfortable I am in a one-on-one situation. If I am at a party and I am speaking to someone I barely know, or don’t know at all, it makes me very uncomfortable. For this class we’ve had to do counseling interviews, one with someone we knew and one with someone we’ve never met. I was nervous leading up to the interviews, I was nervous during the interviews, and I was upset after the interviews. This class is really starting to change my mind of what I want to do.

Now, for this class we also have to do a 45 minute group session. Mine is next week. I can’t wait. I’m loving the preparation I’m doing, I think I’m going to have fun during the session, and I think I’m going to feel good afterwards. In the past year I’ve been a guest speaker for an abnormal psych class, and I’ve been on a panel in front of 50-60 people. I was completely comfortable. I think I would be comfortable speaking in front of hundreds. I would love to be a speaker to a high school talking about mental health. I see that as fun. I feel so good about that, why am I so uncomfortable speaking to a single person? I really don’t know. If anyone understands this please let me know because I have no clue.

I really want to help parents with postpartum depression. I thought that is what I would be good at. This counseling class is starting to change my mind about what I want to do.