Embarrassed

I've spent 2 hours rewriting this blog post, trying to find a way to talk about the last few days. I just can't bring myself to share the details of what happened. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that I couldn't keep myself together at my daughter's birthday party. I'm embarrassed that I crashed my car and can't remember how it happened. I'm embarrassed that for the first time I experienced some psychotic symptoms and landed me back on antipsychotics.

So here I am a few days later feeling like an idiot. I should be better at this by now. I should be able to handle these situations better. Things should not be getting worse. I feel like I'm letting people down.

Right now I'm wondering why I'm even writing this. Honestly I think the more effort I put into this post the more upset I become. So I'm going to stop.