Ice Cream

So I was feeling pretty good about my body. Not amazing of course. But I’ve been exercising daily and eating pretty well. The number on the scale has slowly been going down. I had hope. Yeah, I was feeling ok. And then I weighed myself this morning. The number went up. All of a sudden my thighs are bigger. My stomach is flabby. My arms are weak. I honestly look heavier.

How does this even happen?

I know that if that number goes up a pound or two it is not going to change the look of my body. I get that. But looking at myself through my eyes, I’m 20 lbs heavier. Why? Why do I see myself this way?

I have no motivation this morning. I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing. With a blanket over me so I don’t have to look at various parts of my body. I want to close my eyes really tight and pretend I’m smaller.

I hate warm weather. Yes it’s great. Better than winter, I agree. But there is no hiding. I am out there for everyone to see. I’m out there for myself to see. I’m stressed out. My feelings on my body actually stress me out. And I do not know how to handle that kind of stress so I just sit on the bathroom floor crying. What else can I do?

I had ice cream yesterday. It’s because of the single soft served ice cream cone. That is what made the number go up. And now I’m upset that I ate that ice cream and I can’t take it back. I can just feel the fat from that sitting on me and I can’t shake it off.

Yes, a serving of ice cream can do this to me.